Tuesday, September 10, 2013

An interview with DRUNK HULK aka "The Most Interesting (DRUNK) Man in the World"

  As a fledgling author and newbie to the ether of the internet social marketing, today I have the opportunity to interview a MAN WHO IS ALL CAPS, ALL THE TIME. LIKE A KEYBOARD COATED WITH VIAGRA.

For the record, DRUNK HULK is an absolute Twitter phenomena. He is rapidly approaching 200,000 followers, and I know that his family is not that large (pre-interview background check).

That MAN, who is far better known that I ever will be (unless I get a Booz Allen job and then do a bit of hacking) is DRUNK HULK. A ROUND OF APPLAUSE... (CLAPPING IN THE BACKGROUND) FOR OUR GUEST DRUNK HULK.

WELCOME MR. DRUNK, OR SHOULD I CALL YOU HULK? 

WHATEVER!

DO I HAVE TO CONDUCT THE INTERVIEW IN CAPS OR CAN I REVERT TO NORMAL TYPING? WHATEVER YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH REALLY?  

WEAR WHATEVER HAT YOU LIKE! DRUNK HULK NO CARE!

Wow, thanks. I was getting slightly dizzy. Not sure how you maintain that all caps pace. Is it mostly training or natural ability? Or, may I ask, are there performance enhancing drugs involved?

DRUNK HULK NEVER TAKE PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS! THIS BODY IS WORK OF ART! DRUNK HULK HAVE BELLY LIKE SALVADOR DALI MELTING CLOCK! ALL THANKS TO STEADY REGIME OF ALCOHOL! AND TACOS!

Now, the legend is that you started DRUNK HULK as a bit of a lark. Is that true, or had you received some special PSYCH OPS training prior to gaining mental control of your audience?

DRUNK HULK NEVER WANTED TO BE DRUNK HULK! BUT THEN ONE DAY DRUNK HULK WENT TO COLLEGE! DRUNK HULK PASS COLLEGE WITH 5.0! UNFORTUNATELY! THAT BAC! NOT GPA!

DRUNK HULK WANTED BE LAWYER! BUT NEVER COULD PASS BAR! WITHOUT STOPPING IN AND ORDERING BEERS!

AND DRUNK HULK NEVER HAD PSY CHOPS! DRUNK HULK PRETTY SURE PSY STILL ALIVE! AND EVEN IF HE DEAD! DRUNK HULK HAVE NO INTENTION OF RESORTING TO CANNIBALISM!

So, for the record, you claim no prior history in PSYCH OPS, or Special Forces training. How then, have you managed to amass such a loyal following?

DRUNK HULK MADE MISTAKE OF FEEDING 194,000 PEOPLE! AND THEN THEY FOLLOW DRUNK HULK HOME! NOW DRUNK HULK GOT TO TAKE CARE OF THEM ALL! LIKE GREMLINS! OR BALDWINS!

Wouldn't you agree that using ALL CAPS IS CHEATING?

YOUR OBSESSION WITH HATS IS WEIRD! ANYWAY! HOW COME EVERYONE ONLY FREAK OUT ABOUT ALL CAPS!? BUT NOT ALL FEDORAS!? OR ALL KIPPAHS!? IT NOT SEEM FAIR!

Moving on, I am sure all the women reading want to know, is there a DRUNK HULKETTE?

DRUNK HULK HAVE MANY GIRLFRIENDS! BUT IT NEVER WORK OUT!

DRUNK HULK DATE BARTENDER ONCE! BUT SHE REFUSE TO TAKE HER WORK HOME WITH HER!

DRUNK HULK DATE ANOTHER BARTENDER FROM TGIF! BUT SHE GOT CAUGHT SWITCHING TOP SHELF ALCOHOL WITH CHEAP STUFF! THAT WHAT DRUNK HULK GET TRUSTING SOMEONE WHO ALREADY LIE SIX DAYS OUT OF EVERY WEEK!

DRUNK HULK DATE NINJA ONCE! BUT SHE BREAK UP WITH DRUNK HULK! SHE SAY DRUNK HULK NEVER NOTICE HER!

LAST GIRLFRIEND DRIVE DRUNK HULK TO DRINK! THEN SHE DRIVE DRUNK HULK HOME! SHE WAS KEEPER! BUT HER HUSBAND DISAGREED!

Does your unofficial title of "Most Interesting (DRUNK) Man in the World" put pressure on you to use ALL CAPS, even when you're just trying to enjoy a dozen beers like an ordinary guy? 

DRUNK HULK JUST LIKE YOU! DRUNK HULK RIP PANTS ONE LEG AT TIME!

Just personal curiosity, do you like Hello Kitty?

DRUNK HULK PREFER GOODBYE PUPPY! LESSER KNOWN CHEAPER VERSION THAT YOU CAN BUY IN RETIREMENT HOME GIFT SHOPS!

So would you say you are essentially a GREEN ALL CAPS DRUNK BUDDHA with a more obvious sense of humor?   

NO! DRUNK HULK NOT SAY THAT AT ALL! THIS IS WHY!

FIRST OFF! DRUNK IS CONDITION! SO THAT ADJECTIVE GO BEFORE COLOR! ALL CAPS SHOULD GO FIRST! SO IT WOULD BE ALL CAPS DRUNK GREEN BUDDHA!
TWO THINGS IN LIFE TO REMEMBER! RESPECT YOURSELF! AND RESPECT YOUR ADJECTIVES! HEMINGWAY RESPECTED NEITHER! AND LOOK WHAT HAPPEN TO HIM!


DRUNK HULK DID KNOW THAT! YOU TWEET ABOUT IT SO MUCH! DRUNK HULK THOUGHT ALPHABET SUCCESS WAS EITHER NEW BATMAN! OR WAS ABOUT TO INVADE SYRIA!

I know you are tremendously busy, generally wasted, and unaccustomed to a world without CAPS but have you happened to read Alphabet Success?  If so, any thoughts for my readers or potential readers?

INITIALLY DRUNK HULK NOT WANT TO READ YOUR BOOK! DRUNK HULK ALREADY KNOW ALL 29 LETTERS IN STUPID ALPHABET!

BUT YOUR BOOK REALLY ABOUT BEING SUCCESSFUL AND MEETING YOUR GOALS! TWO THINGS DRUNK HULK ALREADY HAVE! BUT THINK IT GREAT BOOK FOR PEOPLE WHO NOT PERFECT LIKE DRUNK HULK! GOOD READ!

Thank you on behalf of all our readers as well as myself. It is a honor to meet you. I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE IN SAYING, KEEP IT ALL CAPS, ALL THE TIME. KEEP US ON THE ONE TRUE WANDERING PATH THROUGH THE WOODS AND ALLEYS. Man, that ALL CAP stuff makes my fingers hurt. Thanks again.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

The 10th Anniversary of my Financial Freedom Looms! #BLOWOUT #FREE #PRIZES #CONTESTS -

   Sept 10th, 2003, is a date I won't forget. I was nervous as hell. Heart palpitations, hand wringing, you name the nervous tick, I was on top of it! It got so bad, I called my doctor and explained that I was probably dying of a heart attack. He was not persuaded, and told me to calm down. Ha! If it would have been that easy, I'd have done it from the start. OK, I guess I was being slightly hysterical.

   As evidenced by this and other posts, I made it. But in spite of the work and effort that went into growing Omega Insurance Services, it all seemed unreal. Less than seven years before I was designing my logo in Word while I made sales calls from the kitchen table off a rental apartment. So this day was truly dreamlike, with me mentally waiting for the alarm to go off.

   Obviously, that did not happen. We convened in a boardroom, in an atmosphere of absolute levity, and signed the final documents. The "transfers" were made into my accounts. Wow. While a myriad of things led to that moment, that was the finish line. The moment when everything actually changed. A bizarre mix of elation, sadness, exhaustion and a burst of energy seemed to inhabit my body. All the while I continued making all the appropriate noises, "great to be on board, and "this is going to be awesome" (it was already pretty awesome). Poker face central.

   Fortunately I was saved by a party we were throwing. Nobody, outside a few key people, knew what was happening, a party seemed a good way to "cushion the shock".It did, in part, do exactly that.

  Which brings us to the impending 10th Anniversary, and the "virtual" party we'll be throwing to mark the occasion. And in the spirit of open disclosure, there is a major book promotion for "Alphabet Success" at the heart of the festivities.

   The questions most of you have been waiting for are: 1) What are you giving away? 2) What are the prizes? and 3) What are the contests?

1) We are giving away free copies of my new Kindle book, Alphabet Success from 12 midnight Pacific Time to 12 midnight Pacific Time on September 10th, 2013.

2) The prizes include: 20 - $25.00 Amazon.com gift certificates, and $1,500 in cash prizes. That leads us to our final answer...

3) I'm not saying. The day of the event we'll be interacting with people on Twitter (@alphabetsuccess) and LinkedIn. Primarily the former. It will be a little like a radio show. We'll make an announcement, and something will be happening that you need to respond to in real time. For example (a good one, wink wink) you might need to be the 8th person to retweet a given Tweet or comment on a LinkedIn message. But there are plenty of other methods that will be employed to give out cash and prizes, but we're not saying until the day of the event. For the purpose of clarity:

The contests will be conducted on September 10th, 2013. With the exception of one contest for which the winner will be decided later. The times will include a bit of September 10th around the world, since I have followers in pretty much every time zone. I'm going to try to online for as long as Red Bull and adrenaline will keep me in the game, but we may hit some down time due to my human form.

Will it be fun? Yes  Do you need to buy anything to win? Absolutely not!

For more information, please contact me at tim@alphabetsuccess.com