An interview with DRUNK HULK aka "The Most Interesting (DRUNK) Man in the World"

  As a fledgling author and newbie to the ether of the internet social marketing, today I have the opportunity to interview a MAN WHO IS ALL CAPS, ALL THE TIME. LIKE A KEYBOARD COATED WITH VIAGRA.

For the record, DRUNK HULK is an absolute Twitter phenomena. He is rapidly approaching 200,000 followers, and I know that his family is not that large (pre-interview background check).

That MAN, who is far better known that I ever will be (unless I get a Booz Allen job and then do a bit of hacking) is DRUNK HULK. A ROUND OF APPLAUSE... (CLAPPING IN THE BACKGROUND) FOR OUR GUEST DRUNK HULK.

WELCOME MR. DRUNK, OR SHOULD I CALL YOU HULK? 

WHATEVER!

DO I HAVE TO CONDUCT THE INTERVIEW IN CAPS OR CAN I REVERT TO NORMAL TYPING? WHATEVER YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH REALLY?  

WEAR WHATEVER HAT YOU LIKE! DRUNK HULK NO CARE!

Wow, thanks. I was getting slightly dizzy. Not sure how you maintain that all caps pace. Is it mostly training or natural ability? Or, may I ask, are there performance enhancing drugs involved?

DRUNK HULK NEVER TAKE PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS! THIS BODY IS WORK OF ART! DRUNK HULK HAVE BELLY LIKE SALVADOR DALI MELTING CLOCK! ALL THANKS TO STEADY REGIME OF ALCOHOL! AND TACOS!

Now, the legend is that you started DRUNK HULK as a bit of a lark. Is that true, or had you received some special PSYCH OPS training prior to gaining mental control of your audience?

DRUNK HULK NEVER WANTED TO BE DRUNK HULK! BUT THEN ONE DAY DRUNK HULK WENT TO COLLEGE! DRUNK HULK PASS COLLEGE WITH 5.0! UNFORTUNATELY! THAT BAC! NOT GPA!

DRUNK HULK WANTED BE LAWYER! BUT NEVER COULD PASS BAR! WITHOUT STOPPING IN AND ORDERING BEERS!

AND DRUNK HULK NEVER HAD PSY CHOPS! DRUNK HULK PRETTY SURE PSY STILL ALIVE! AND EVEN IF HE DEAD! DRUNK HULK HAVE NO INTENTION OF RESORTING TO CANNIBALISM!

So, for the record, you claim no prior history in PSYCH OPS, or Special Forces training. How then, have you managed to amass such a loyal following?

DRUNK HULK MADE MISTAKE OF FEEDING 194,000 PEOPLE! AND THEN THEY FOLLOW DRUNK HULK HOME! NOW DRUNK HULK GOT TO TAKE CARE OF THEM ALL! LIKE GREMLINS! OR BALDWINS!

Wouldn't you agree that using ALL CAPS IS CHEATING?

YOUR OBSESSION WITH HATS IS WEIRD! ANYWAY! HOW COME EVERYONE ONLY FREAK OUT ABOUT ALL CAPS!? BUT NOT ALL FEDORAS!? OR ALL KIPPAHS!? IT NOT SEEM FAIR!

Moving on, I am sure all the women reading want to know, is there a DRUNK HULKETTE?

DRUNK HULK HAVE MANY GIRLFRIENDS! BUT IT NEVER WORK OUT!

DRUNK HULK DATE BARTENDER ONCE! BUT SHE REFUSE TO TAKE HER WORK HOME WITH HER!

DRUNK HULK DATE ANOTHER BARTENDER FROM TGIF! BUT SHE GOT CAUGHT SWITCHING TOP SHELF ALCOHOL WITH CHEAP STUFF! THAT WHAT DRUNK HULK GET TRUSTING SOMEONE WHO ALREADY LIE SIX DAYS OUT OF EVERY WEEK!

DRUNK HULK DATE NINJA ONCE! BUT SHE BREAK UP WITH DRUNK HULK! SHE SAY DRUNK HULK NEVER NOTICE HER!

LAST GIRLFRIEND DRIVE DRUNK HULK TO DRINK! THEN SHE DRIVE DRUNK HULK HOME! SHE WAS KEEPER! BUT HER HUSBAND DISAGREED!

Does your unofficial title of "Most Interesting (DRUNK) Man in the World" put pressure on you to use ALL CAPS, even when you're just trying to enjoy a dozen beers like an ordinary guy? 

DRUNK HULK JUST LIKE YOU! DRUNK HULK RIP PANTS ONE LEG AT TIME!

Just personal curiosity, do you like Hello Kitty?

DRUNK HULK PREFER GOODBYE PUPPY! LESSER KNOWN CHEAPER VERSION THAT YOU CAN BUY IN RETIREMENT HOME GIFT SHOPS!

So would you say you are essentially a GREEN ALL CAPS DRUNK BUDDHA with a more obvious sense of humor?   

NO! DRUNK HULK NOT SAY THAT AT ALL! THIS IS WHY!

FIRST OFF! DRUNK IS CONDITION! SO THAT ADJECTIVE GO BEFORE COLOR! ALL CAPS SHOULD GO FIRST! SO IT WOULD BE ALL CAPS DRUNK GREEN BUDDHA!

TWO THINGS IN LIFE TO REMEMBER! RESPECT YOURSELF! AND RESPECT YOUR ADJECTIVES! HEMINGWAY RESPECTED NEITHER! AND LOOK WHAT HAPPEN TO HIM!

A little plug, um, did you know my book, Alphabet Success is free on Amazon's Kindle site today? 

DRUNK HULK DID KNOW THAT! YOU TWEET ABOUT IT SO MUCH! DRUNK HULK THOUGHT ALPHABET SUCCESS WAS EITHER NEW BATMAN! OR WAS ABOUT TO INVADE SYRIA!

I know you are tremendously busy, generally wasted, and unaccustomed to a world without CAPS but have you happened to read Alphabet Success?  If so, any thoughts for my readers or potential readers?

INITIALLY DRUNK HULK NOT WANT TO READ YOUR BOOK! DRUNK HULK ALREADY KNOW ALL 29 LETTERS IN STUPID ALPHABET!

BUT YOUR BOOK REALLY ABOUT BEING SUCCESSFUL AND MEETING YOUR GOALS! TWO THINGS DRUNK HULK ALREADY HAVE! BUT THINK IT GREAT BOOK FOR PEOPLE WHO NOT PERFECT LIKE DRUNK HULK! GOOD READ!

Thank you on behalf of all our readers as well as myself. It is a honor to meet you. I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE IN SAYING, KEEP IT ALL CAPS, ALL THE TIME. KEEP US ON THE ONE TRUE WANDERING PATH THROUGH THE WOODS AND ALLEYS. Man, that ALL CAP stuff makes my fingers hurt. Thanks again.

DRUNK HULK PLEASURE!

That concludes our interview. Thanks for stopping by. Click here for your free copy of Alphabet Success. 

Need a Little Inspiration...?

Many people think the hardest part of anything is finishing. Not true. Most people never get started.

What is also true, is that the second place most plans fall apart is when they face adversity or failure. Usually this is not an issue of the plan itself, but rather the determination of the person trying to implement the plan. Things rarely go the way we want in life. It is easy to be battered into a sort of incremental submission.

Personally, I think that happens to an awful lot of people. Most kids I grew up with, and most I meet today have big dreams, big plans for their future. But somewhere along the line, they get the fight beaten out of them. It could be a parent who tells them to get “their head out of the clouds”, or it might be friends who, while well intentioned, don't want to see you leave them behind. Even for those with the courage and resolve to overcome the “battle” with family and friends, get ground down by circumstances, and one too many failed attempts at their dream. Eventually, they get so “worn down” that success looks like paying the bills and hanging onto the job they hate.

But that isn't always how the story ends.

In April 1961,  I arrived, at least in breathing form, here on our lovely planet. Unlike many people, there were much more than two people involved in my continued existence. My biological parents, who put me up for adoption, my parents who three short months after I was born took care of me as their own, and the nuns of Our Lady of Victory, who though I don't remember them, handled the three month gap. Given my lack of self-sufficiency at that point, I thank them all for getting me started.

One of my mom's favorite stories was about the ride home from the orphanage to their home in Akron. Mom had on a pearl necklace which apparently I fiddled with constantly. She always mentioned that, as well as the fact that I laughed quite a lot. That latter part hasn't changed much over the years.

You may wonder, well this is all a little interesting, but not really what I showed up for Tim.

The back story to my adoption is a tale of remarkable determination and grit.

You see, my adoptive mother could not have children. Now that, is not, in and of itself, especially unique. Many people adopt children for the very same reason. But my mom found out about her inability to have children the hard way.

My mom was pregnant four times before she tried adoption. All four were either stillborn or died shortly after being born. That alone would have put most people in a mind to forget the whole idea. Not my parents. Her and my father looked into adopting at a local agency. If they could not have their own, they would adopt a child.

Of immediate concern to the authorities was why this woman, my mother, was unable to have children. They came to the determination that, after a few tests, she had a blood disease or abnormality (later learned to be Lupus). Upon reaching that conclusion, they decided to reject my parents application to adopt as my mother was seen as “high risk”. OK, this is about time to say, well, maybe we can get a dog, or a couple of them even. Not my mother.

Afterward they had a lengthy chat with their family physician. He was aware that my mom had something wrong with her blood. But he nonetheless suggested they conduct another blood test, just in case they'd missed something. He took my mother's blood and sent her and my father home.

In the meantime he did something which can only be described as beautiful, reckless and amazing. He also took his wife's blood, and sent it for testing in lieu of my mother's which he knew would never pass testing. His wife's blood was fine. But since it was submitted with my mother's name, she was now “fit” to be an adoptive mother. At least according to her blood.

Fearing being called out locally, they headed to another adoption center they had heard about. There they found a receptive audience who agreed to put them on the list. In those days it was a list you actually were likely make it through, as adoption was not nearly as widespread as it is today. Their name accepted, they headed back to Akron to wait.

In what I have to guess was late June or early July of 1961, they got a call that the adoption center had a baby available. They were warned, that the child had “large eyes”. Undaunted they made the trek to the center and had a look at the “Big Eyed Baby”, and yes that was me.

We never chatted about it, but apparently I was insufficiently “Big-Eyed” to prevent them from saying “sure, we'll take that one”. A couple of weeks later in mid-July, they once again made the journey from Akron to the adoption center. This time they had something to take home. That being me. Yahoo!

That was incredibly lucky for me! If they had not gone through all those trials and tribulations, I might have ended up virtually anywhere. Instead I had an incredible set of parents who, in spite of my efforts to the contrary at times, managed to turn me into something resembling a normal human being. And apparently I sort of “grew into” my eyes.

Thus, in part, as with most success stories, a big part of mine was a matter of incredible timing, luck, and maybe even “big eyes”. But the absolutely biggest part of what got me into a position to succeed was my mother and father's determination to just keep looking. If they had given up, I may never have been afforded the opportunities which came to me later in life. In addition, that attitude of determination was infectious. Obviously not inherited genetically, I developed a tenacity that has yet to leave me.

The quotes, the one liners, all the cliches about “staying the course”, well they are true. Occasionally someone gets remarkably lucky, but more often, failure is the road you will be driving on far longer than you want, if you hope to succeed. Now, you better be adapting along the way, and learning from that failure, otherwise you’re not a failure, you're a fool.

Failure is the road you will travel to success. Just be sure to take the correct exit. If you have trouble finding it?

Just Keep Looking.



 Alphabet Success, your personal step-ladder to success.  To buy, click here.